Know thyself – Making new choices

Last week there was another episode of the TV show ‘Who is the Mole?’ on Dutch TV. For those who don’t know what this show is about: a group of celebrities travel together to another country, and one of them is designated as the ‘Mole’. No one in the group knows who the Mole is (except the Mole themselves, of course), and the goal is to unmask the Mole at the end of the series. During each episode, the participants have to perform all sorts of tasks together, while the Mole tries to mislead them and prevent too much money from being earned. At the end of each episode, the participants have to take a test about who they think the Mole is, and the person with the lowest score leaves the show.

This time, as usual, another participant was eliminated. During a post-show discussion, he honestly admitted that at the moment he had to leave the group, he simple couldn’t imagine that he was wrong at all. He was completely convinced that he was right. He also openly shared that this once again proved that he suffers from recurring overconfidence.

Self-Reflection

What I found so interesting about this is that he apparently entered the competition with not too much self-insight. In the end, that turned out to be the reason for his elimination. Had he been more mindful of his own pitfalls, he seemed like someone who could have made it to the final. But that insight only came to him afterwards.

My own self-knowledge

After all my years in the personal development world, I dare say that my self-knowledge is reasonably good. However, where I can still grow is in acting in accordance to that self-knowledge. I now know, through trial and error, that I am quite a bit more sensitive to stress than the average person. At the same time, there is a part of me that is ambitious and has strong perseverance. Those two dynamics together don’t always form the healthiest combination.

Looking back

For the past six and a half years, I have thoroughly enjoyed teaching NLP courses. This line of work felt like a perfect fit and I remember early on feeling that I had found my passion. I truly felt like a fish in water.

However, the other side of the coin was that it also caused me a lot of stress. Finding enough participants before the start of each course put a lot of pressure on me. The past two years have been particularly challenging in that regard. Also, the long days of standing in front of the group were actually too much for me. But I accepted the trade-off because it brought me so much fulfilment and joy.

Being honest with myself

At the beginning of this year, I had to conclude that things weren’t working out. I woke up stressed every day and could no longer relax. I so much wanted to make it work, but I was sadly unable to fill the next planned NLP Practitioner group with enough participants.

I realized that I was swimming against the current and this wasn’t doing me any good. I had to face what I already knew deep down inside, but didn’t want to admit: due to my body’s sensitivity to stress, there are limits to what I can handle, and that has its consequences. One of those consequences was realizing that trying to establish a thriving training business was beyond my current capabilities.

Dealing with defeat

Admitting this felt like a defeat. That’s why I kept going, hoping that I would eventually succeed. But how I started to feel physically was enough indication to know that this would not be sustainable. Admitting this was difficult. I had to see it for what it was, acknowledge it, and take responsibility.

Therefore, to my great regret, I have decided to stop giving NLP courses, for now. It took me several weeks to come to terms with this and I actively had to grieve in order to let this dream go.

The silver lining

Despite the feeling of defeat, I see the last six and a half years as a beautiful gift and I am extremely grateful for the experience. I have learned so incredibly much about myself and others. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. And who knows, maybe one day it will be possible again.

Turn your shit into your gold

The coach I have been working with in recent months has helped me through this process. The big question that arose was: what now?

At one point, she casually said: “Turn your shit into your gold.” That statement stuck with me. So lately I’ve been thinking, and more importantly feeling, about what does and doesn’t suit me at this moment in time.

And right now, my ‘shit’ (or gold) is that I struggle with stress and therefore quickly feel overwhelmed. I am certainly not the only one that experiences this easily, so slowly, the idea emerged to do something with this theme.

Know thyself

I share this story to indicate how important it is to know yourself and to live accordingly. That first part is already challenging enough for most people, and as a result, they never even get to the second part. Despite all my knowledge and experience in personal development, it remains a challenge for me as well. It would appear I am human after all.

So, my question to you is: How well do you know yourself? Completely? Not at all? Maybe just a little?

May I invite you to stop and take a moment to reflect on this?