As humans, we constantly assign meaning to everything that happens within and around us. Our brain essentially functions as a story-generating machine. It’s how we try to make sense of life and create a sense of safety. When we can give something meaning, we know where we stand and what might be required of us. For many of us, few things feel as uncomfortable as uncertainty or ambiguity.
The Challenge
However, there’s a challenge in how our brain works. Scientists call it our “negativity bias”: a built-in tendency to focus on the negative. We notice negative things more readily, and we remember them better.
Why is that? This is easy to understand from an evolutionary perspective: to survive, it’s important to quickly recognize when you’re in danger. You want to be able to rapidly notice if something in your environment isn’t right and whether you need to leave, take action or possibly avoid behaving in a certain way.
As a result of this bias, the stories we tell ourselves are often negatively tinted. And therein lies the problem. In many situations, this kind of negative thinking isn’t just unnecessary, it actively gets in our way. Here are a few examples:
You want to talk to that interesting person, but immediately think: “They’re not going to be interested in me.”
You consider applying for a promotion, but your first thought is: “They’ll probably want someone younger.”
You dream of taking a completely different kind of holiday, but tell yourself: “It will probably disappoint.”
A Different Perspective
These are exactly the kinds of moments where a technique from NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) called reframing comes in handy! Reframing simply means giving something a different frame of reference.
Think of it like giving a painting a new frame: the content remains the same, but your experience of it changes. Consider, for example, a metal frame versus a classic wooden one – suddenly the painting feels different, even though the content hasn’t changed. All you did was change the framing.
The Power of Reframing
What if you could give a limiting thought or situation a different meaning? The thought or situation itself doesn’t change, but the meaning you give it does. And that directly impacts how you feel, think, and act. That’s the power of reframing: it’s a quick and powerful way to shift your energy so that it supports and helps you move forward.
There are different ways you can reframe something:
1. Content Reframing:
Changing the meaning of a situation
Suppose you tell yourself: “I’m nervous about my job interview.”
By reframing, you can give the tension you feel a different meaning, for example: “These nerves mean that I care about the result, and that’s actually a good sign.”
This transforms the emotion from something uncomfortable into something meaningful and motivating. Once you choose this new perspective, you can embrace the tension instead of fighting it, naturally reducing your stress.
2. Context Reframing:
Placing behaviour in a different context
For example, someone finds that you’re too direct in your communication, and you see this as a negative trait of yourself.
Ask yourself: “In what context is my directness actually desired or valuable?” For instance, in crisis situations where quick and clear action is important.
This gives your behaviour a positive charge, allowing you to appreciate its value.
3. Perspective Reframing:
Looking at a problem from a different point of view
Let’s say a colleague’s constant criticism annoys you.
Ask yourself: “How would I see this situation if I were in their shoes?”
By shifting your perspective, you create more understanding and therefore more freedom in how you respond.
How to Practice This in Real Life
Recognize your old frame. What are you telling yourself about what’s going on?
Examine the impact it has on you. How does that story make you feel?
Consciously choose a new frame. What could be a more helpful story you tell yourself?
Pay attention to the shift. Notice how you feel afterward. You’ll often feel a sense of relief or openness right away.
Repeat regularly. Make it a habit to challenge your thoughts by reframing them.
Important: reframing is not the “positivity police.” It’s not about making everything rosy. It’s about creating freedom of choice in how you think and feel. Because thoughts are not facts, they are stories. And stories can always be rewritten!
Your Turn!
I challenge you to experiment with this today. As soon as something happens or a thought comes by that negatively affects you, find at least one reframe to look at what’s happening in a different way. If you get to write your own story anyway, why not make it one you actually prefer?
Coaching
If you need support with this, you’re always welcome to explore whether coaching can help you too.
Feel free to contact me for a free Insight Session.
🌿 Richard