I already knew I wanted to write about emotions for this blog post, and as luck would have it, on the very day I sat down to write, I got to experience some of my own less pleasant emotions first-hand.
This morning, I woke up and everything was as usual. I went through my regular morning routine, got dressed, and sat down at my laptop to start working. But emotionally, something felt off. Outside, the sky was grey, and inside, it was dark. That’s because the building I live in is covered in scaffolding for maintenance, blocking almost all morning light. Not exactly the kind of mood I wanted to be in to start this blog post.
How negative thoughts snowball
After noticing I wasn’t feeling great, my thoughts started spiralling. One particular thought hit me hard: it was about an expectation I had of someone that hadn’t been met, and I felt disappointed and let down. I then glanced at my to-do list on my desk and felt overwhelmed by how impossibly long it was. Then I noticed something odd on my website; it looked completely off, which only added to my irritation. Seeking distraction, I browsed a few news sites (bad idea), and of course, that just made me feel worse.
You are not your emotions
At this point, it was clear this wasn’t working. Time for a cup of tea. Normally I’d step outside for some fresh air, but construction workers were using power tools on the balcony of my upstairs neighbours’ apartment, so I stayed in.
I opened YouTube and clicked on a short video that popped up in my feed. Coincidentally, it touched on the topic of emotions. The speakers talked about the idea of “self” and posed the question: Who are we, really?
The core of their message reminded me that we are not many of the things we think we are:
We are not our thoughts, we have thoughts.
We are not our body, we have a body.
We are not our emotions, we have emotions.
Who we truly are is the awareness that observes it all.
So in my case: what I was thinking triggered certain emotions*, which I then felt in my body. But if I am none of those things, then I don’t have to take them so personally. That shift created some inner space inside me, and with that, a sense of calm began to return.
(* Just to clarify, when I talk about emotions here, I mean everything with an emotional charge. The full debate about what emotions really are is a topic for another time.)
Mind and body are one
One strategy I use when I’m not feeling well emotionally is to move my body. Sitting behind my desk wasn’t helping. I could feel the emotion getting stuck. So I decided to hop on my bike and ride to the supermarket for some yogurt. On the way there, I was mostly still caught up in my inner turmoil. But after a quick walk through the store, I came back outside and the sun had come out! Spring had returned for a moment, and I could feel the warmth on my face as I biked home. My mood lifted almost instantly.
In NLP, one of the core principles is that the mind and body are one. Since they are part of the same system, they influence each other instantaneously. That gloomy weather in the morning had triggered my negative thoughts and emotions. And once the sun came out, my whole mental state shifted. Suddenly everything felt lighter: That website issue? I’ll figure it out. That to-do list? It’s always long, so what? That person I thought forgot about me? They’re probably just busy. Nothing had actually changed, except how I felt. 😊
Emotions are messengers
Whether you feel good or bad, emotions act like little indicator lights that highlight what matters to us. After I got home, I made myself another cup of tea and this time, I could enjoy it in the garden. Standing there in the spring sunshine, I got curious about my emotions earlier that morning and examined them one by one:
Connection
What I perceived as someone else’s shortcoming actually reflected my own need for connection. When my expectation wasn’t met, it briefly felt like that connection was threatened. This reminded me how deeply I value genuine connection. And with that insight, I could let the frustration go.Success
The real message behind my long to-do list? Success matters to me. Every item on that list represents a step toward something I care about. Seeing it that way made the list feel less like a burden and more like a pathway. That shift in perspective felt empowering.Quality
My irritation about my website wasn’t just about how it looked, it reflected something deeper: the value I place on quality. If my site looks messy, it might give the impression that I don’t take my work seriously, when in fact, the opposite is true. No wonder I felt so frustrated.
How do you relate to your emotions?
What’s your relationship with your emotions like?
Do you get swept away by them, or are you the type to push them down and avoid them?
Or maybe you’ve already found some good ways to easily return to emotional balance?
3 tips for handling your emotions
Today, I’ve shared 3 tips that help me deal with challenging emotions:
You are not your emotions
You have emotions. In fact, it’s your body that creates physical sensations that we call emotions. But it’s not who you are. You wouldn’t say you are your left pinky, would you? This insight can create just enough distance from your feelings so that you don’t get swept away and can consciously decide what to do with them.Get moving
Emotions naturally come and go, as long as we don’t get in the way. One great way to support this physical and emotional process is through movement. Go for a walk, take a bike ride, or do something else physical. It helps you get out of your head and into your body, where you can fully experience the emotion, so that it can move on.Look for the message behind the emotion
What’s the emotion really trying to tell you? What value of yours might be at stake here? Keep in mind, emotions aren’t always precise, so what you feel and what’s actually happening might not fully match up. The goal is self-awareness. When you understand what matters to you, you can start to give those values more attention.
This last tip works for positive emotions too. A positive emotion also points to something that matters to you, it signals that something important to you is being fulfilled. That’s a double gift: a moment of self-insight and something to feel good about!
Coaching for Emotions
The emotions I used in these examples were the everyday kind, the small stuff. But sometimes, emotions can be much heavier or deeply buried in your inner world. In those cases, it can be hard to navigate them alone.
That’s where a coach or therapist can make a big difference. If you’d like support in working through your emotions, you’re always welcome to book a free Insight Session with me, and we can explore what you are wrestling with together.